


you won this hole!

by alqhacentauri



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Fluff, Humor, Lawyer!Dan, M/M, Pining, Rating will change, chaotic boys being chaotic, dan is a solid mood, meteorologist!phil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 21:07:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17553224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alqhacentauri/pseuds/alqhacentauri
Summary: Dan is a lawyer's assistant even though he was supposed to be a lawyer, Phil is the neighbour with a dog who gives the weather report every night, and Susan is the dog who just keeps barking.And Dan totally doesn't have crush on his cute neighbour (with a dog).





	you won this hole!

**Author's Note:**

> a kind of spontaneous fic we started to write a while ago, like last year, and we're posting it now – don't except a consistent updating schedule from us, our writing process is.....slow. thanks for reading!! 
> 
> you can find us on tumblr @ [philussy](https://philussy.tumblr.com) and [hornedhoodie](https://hornedhoodie.tumblr.com)

It was ten over one in the middle of the fucking night, and Dan wasn’t asleep. Which, to be honest, wasn’t that unusual, but Dan was very tired. He  _ needed  _ this sleep. It was just kind of hard, when there was a dog barking on the other side of the wall. Right next to his bedroom. And it sounded like it wasn’t going to stop any time soon. 

Honestly, the barking couldn’t have started until about thirty minutes ago, but the dog had managed to begin just at the peak point of Dan almost falling asleep, when he could practically feel his brain shutting off and letting him finally get some respite from the never-ending stress that was being awake.

_Too edgy_ , Dan thought to himself. Maybe being awake wasn’t constantly stressful, but being awake with a loud, incessantly barking dog? Definitely stressful. He could excuse his own angsty thinking in this sort of situation.

Until yesterday the apartment next to his had been empty. Dan knew that someone had moved there, but he had no idea that they had a dog. Yes, he liked dogs – who didn’t – but there was a teeny tiny problem: technically, the building didn’t allow pets. 

Of course no one gave a shit about that rule. It was written on the website that rented apartments from the building, but it was like everyone collectively had decided to ignore it. Dan’s neighbour upstairs had five cats, for God’s sake. But they were quiet, unlike  _ one certain dog. _

But Dan wasn’t about to report a complaint and rat out whoever the poor owner was, even in his aggravated state. If he wanted the barking to stop, he’d have to confront the owner himself. And that, even in theory, was utterly terrifying.    
  
Dan hated confrontation, absolutely despised it. And even though right now it wasn’t really a confrontation and more of a “Hey, sorry for bothering you so late at night, but is there anything you could do to try and keep your dog a tiny bit quieter? Sorry, it’s just disturbing my sleep a little, thank you” sort of conversation, he still loathed the concept of having to haul himself out of bed and talk to someone who could possibly end up cursing him out if they decided it necessary.

Then he got an idea – the kind of idea he could actually carry out. 

He could write a letter. Preferably anonymous, because then his neighbour couldn’t come after him and he would remain alive. He just needed to write the letter, not by hand, since his handwriting was incoherent. Yeah, that sounded like a plan.

The letter was easy to write, honestly easier than any conversation would have been, and even though Dan’s printer almost broke halfway through the printing process, causing him a great deal of frustration, he was happy to have gotten it done.

He stumbled his way down the apartment building hallway, trying his best to keep his sleep-deprived, clumsy walking from being too loud. He guessed where the dog owners room must’ve been, judging by how loud the dog’s barking was when he got there, and placed the letter on the ground, sliding it underneath the door without any trouble whatsoever.

Dan sighed in relief; now the only thing he had to do was go back to bed and wait for the barking to stop. He shook his head in amusement as he realised how much bigger he had made this whole thing sound in his head. He started to make his way to his own apartment, when the door behind him opened. 

“Hey, did you leave this note?”

Dan’s stomach nearly dropped as he realized he’d been caught red-handed. He froze in his tracks, turning around to face whatever absolutely terrifying fate this person had in store for him.

But, as it turns out, it wasn’t a terrifying fate he was greeted by, in fact, it was something so,  _ so _ much better. Instead of the grizzled, grumpy, possibly murderous and/or skin stealing old man he’d envisioned, the person standing there was quite possibly one of the most attractive people Dan had ever met. His dark hair was tousled and messy, but somehow bed head looked good on him, and it contrasted beautifully with his pale skin. And his glasses were a bit askew on his face, framing his eyes—which were incredibly blue, Dan might add. Like, anime protagonist blue—perfectly.

He was standing in the hallway looking more confused and concerned than anything, nothing like the anger Dan had expected to receive. Not to mention he was wearing muppet pajama bottoms, and really, how could Dan be intimidated by that.   

“I– Yeah,” Dan said, almost making it sound like a question. The man smiled sheepishly. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said, sounding genuine. “We just moved in and Susan is having a hard time adjusting to the new place.” A second after that a chubby corgi waddled to the door from the apartment, and that’s when Dan realised that Susan was the  _ dog. _

The neighbor kneeled down for a moment and plucked the dog up in his arms, scratching behind her ears, and gently patting the particularly fluffy looking top of her head. She was much more mild-mannered now, happy to sit content and benign now that her owner was with her.

It made sense, really, this guy had such a calming energy about him, who wouldn’t relax when he was touching them. And then Dan remembered how weird that thought was to be having about someone he just met, he didn’t even know anything about his neighbor, for all he could tell he might’ve been a serial killer just waiting to find his next victim.

“That’s understandable,” Dan said, becoming aware of the fact that he had been quiet for too long. He smiled at the man, even though his eyes we’re on the dog. 

“Thanks,” his neighbor said, “I promise I’ll try to keep her quiet. I don’t wanna disturb your sleep anymore.” 

For some reason Dan felt flattered, even though the guy was just being a decent human. He bit his lip. “Well, good night, uh–” 

“Phil. I’m Phil.” 

“Good night, Phil,” Dan said, then adding, “And Susan.” 

When he was safely in his own apartment, he realised that Phil never got  _ his  _ name. 

====

The next morning, Dan woke up with a pounding head and a whole lot of questions. He’d prepared for a headache ahead of time, luckily, having left out a cup of tea and bottle of painkillers on the kitchen counter for himself last night before he went to bed. But he certainly hadn’t anticipated the amount of self-introspection he’d be doing the second he woke up; his mind filled with a jumble of unanswered questions that Dan honestly didn’t even  _ want _ answered.

He didn’t want to admit that he totally, undoubtedly, one hundred percent, without an inkling of suspicion, had a crush on his neighbor. I mean, really, could he call it a crush? It was more of an infatuation if he thought about it, because how could you have a  _ real _ crush on someone you just met. Someone who doesn’t even know your name.

But whatever it was, Dan wasn’t happy about it. He hated getting crushes, hadn’t had a real one in three years (a fact he was incredibly proud of, to say the least), and they were just so exhausting. Especially when the object of said crush was someone he would be seeing at least once a week—even during the months he rarely left his house.

And – oh my God – Phil probably already had someone. Obviously. He was an extremely attractive man (with a dog), he seemed nice and he slept in muppet pajama bottoms. He was a perfect man. 

In his thoughts, Dan hit his head on the bathroom door. He groaned in pain. He really should stop overthinking things; he had just met this man and he was already being an anxious mess.

So he made the decision to just not think about Phil. Surely that would work. If he didn’t devote his hard-earned hours of spare thinking time to some man he barely knows, then he wouldn’t end up in a catastrophe of a situation—a.k.a, fawning and doting over someone who had absolutely no inclination towards liking him back.

But that turned out to be harder than anticipated. Dan wasn’t in complete control of his mind at the best of times, and trying to keep his thoughts from wandering off to a pretty man with pretty blue eyes—or were they green? They might have been green, now that he thought about it. He, regrettably, didn’t get to look that closely—really just ended up with them wandering off to something else. Something much worse. And Dan wasn’t in the mood for an existential crisis this week.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he took a few deep breaths before gathering his things and heading out. 

Dan worked for a fairly well known law firm that had its head office in the middle of London. After graduating from law school, he moved from Manchester to London, thinking that he would have more opportunities to get a job there. He had been wrong, but running from one interview to another had landed him a job eventually. Not as a lawyer, though, but as an assistant. It was better than no job at all. 

Walking into the lobby, he greeted the receptionist before he fetched himself a cup of coffee from the vending machine. Sipping the drink that really didn’t deserve to be called  _ coffee _ , he took the elevator to the tenth floor, hoping that his boss wouldn’t be there because Dan was a few minutes late.

Fortunately, he was nowhere to be found. Dan could safely scurry off to his own office without fear of reprimand, sipping the luke-warm bean juice (he’d made up his mind, it astutely was, in fact,  _ not _ coffee) in his cup and begrudging the uncomfortable office chair he was forced to sit on. It wasn’t fair, really. Shitty coffee, shitty chairs, shitty sound of printers beeping and churning in the background. God, he really wished they would shut up already.

Okay, so maybe Dan was in a cranky mood because he hadn’t gotten enough sleep last night. And maybe because he couldn’t focus on his work in the slightest. Which, considering the fact it was the only thing letting him continue to eat, was more than enough to leave him with a little bit of a stick up his bum.

And maybe – just  _ maybe  _ – he couldn’t focus because of his encounter with the new neighbour last night. Dan wasn’t one to pine after strangers, but you know. Phil Muppetpants was his neighbour, not a stranger. Technically. With a little reaching. 

As he checked his work email, he thought about different ways to get closer to this attractive man who was living above him. And Phil had a dog, too. A dog that might have robbed him of his seven hours of sleep, but still. Phil had a dog, a  _ corgi _ called Susan, and wasn’t that just the most adorable thing? 

So, yeah, Dan’s type was definitely endearingly quirky tall boys with messy hair and pretty eyes. The thrill of new-found infatuation was irresistible, and Dan found himself giving in to crushing on his neighbor without even thinking about it. He hadn’t liked someone in so long, and it really did make life so much more enjoyable, lighter in a way.                   

The smallest things could remind him of Phil, the color blue or his co-worker talking about their aunt’s cousin’s small dog—maybe it was a corgi. His thoughts were so prone to spiraling, and for once, these thoughts weren’t about death, or pain, or how pointless being alive was. They were about a cute boy, and Dan was more than ready for this change of pace. Long-term, love couldn’t cure depression. But it certainly could get his mind off of it for a few weeks at least.

After sitting in the office for eight hours, Dan was more than happy to pack his things and leave. Even though he was grateful for at least  _ having  _ a job, he wasn’t really that fond of the place itself. Too stuffy and noisy in his opinion. 

And talking about noisy––in front of the apartment complex he was greeted with sight of Phil in a blue button-up and black jeans, with Susan on a leash, sniffing the base of a street lamp. Dan couldn’t believe his luck. 

Phil raised his head and waved when he saw Dan. Dan waved back. 

“Hi again,” Phil said when Dan was close enough for them to talk without having to shout awkwardly. He scratched the back of his neck, tilting his head. “I actually wanted to talk to you.” 

Dan’s pulse sped up twice its normal pace. Talk to him? What did he have to say? Why did he look so flustered? Did Dan look flustered? Could Phil tell he was totally into him? Oh god oh god oh  _ god-- _

“Of course! You need help with anything?” Dan said, calm voice betraying his internal monologue of endless terror and screaming.

Phil smiled warmly, and  _ fucking shit _ he was cute. “Yeah, Susan gets really lonely when I go to work, and I’m worrying about her barking again. I was wondering if you had any advice on how to help her calm down? Don’t wanna be responsible for waking up the whole apartment complex two nights in a row, y’know?” He laughed, light-hearted humor putting Dan’s nerves at ease. Well, as at ease as they could get.

Dan’s face lit up when he realized just how easily he could take advantage of this situation--kill two birds with one stone! He’d help Phil out, earning him some trusty neighbor credentials, and have an opportunity for more small talk with him when he got back. Maybe that small talk would turn into something more. And maybe Dan was already mentally planning their wedding in his head, but who could fault him? Phil was everything he could ever need in a man. And Dan was a gay with little to no self control.

“I could pet-sit her, if you want!” he suggested, and Phil looked so relieved Dan couldn’t help but be a little proud of himself. He did that. He made Phil’s life that much easier. And Phil was grateful for it.

“Thanks so much! I get home at eight, I work the night shift.”

“No problem! I’ll set an alarm in case I pass out.” 

Phil laughed again, and it was the most endearing sound Dan could possibly imagine. God, was everything about this man perfect?

“Great! I’ll see you at my place, then.” A small grin spread across Phil’s face, but surprisingly that wasn’t the thing Dan was focusing on (though it  _ was _ a cute grin, obviously).

More importantly – Phil had said “my place.” As in, the place where he lived. His home. The apartment where he slept and ate and spent time–

Dan was going to pet-sit Susan at Phil’s place, at least if he had understood right. And Dan wasn’t really religious but  _ sweet Jesus,  _ this could end in a disaster. 


End file.
